I grew up in an era when many parents believed that “children must be seen and not heard” and that “children should leave the room when the grown-ups were talking.” I am the only child of divorced parents, raised by my father. My dad, the son of Italian immigrants, worked in the local steel mill, located in the heart of a predominately blue-collar town. With no siblings around to entertain me, I spent more time than most kids my age around adults and became intrigued by adult conversations. There were so many things to learn about just listening to them talk!
Sunday Dinner
My father and I went to my Grandmother’s house every Sunday for the traditional Italian spaghetti dinner. The house was always filled with other family members including my Uncles, Aunts, and Cousins. We all gathered around the huge table in the basement kitchen anticipating the taste of my grandmother’s spaghetti sauce. Occasionally, it was my grandfather’s sauce being served, and it was equally delicious (the men in our family were all great cooks).
No matter who the chef was, the food was always wonderful and my grandmother always encouraged me to eat more because she thought that I was “way too skinny” to be healthy (she sure would be happy if she could see me now!).
Conversation Time
After dinner, the adults remained gathered around the table in the basement kitchen for conversation, while the children went upstairs to the first floor or outside to play. But, occasionally I would sneak back and sit on the staircase (where they could not see me) and listen to them talking.
I heard many stories of people and events in their lives. I heard about happiness and dreams, hardships and heartaches, and occasionally, some things that I probably shouldn’t have heard. But, by today’s standards, even the most risqué conversations they had would be rated PG. My grandparent’s values would never allow for any R rated conversations in a family setting.
As I remember those conversations, I realize the depth of wisdom and knowledge gained from listening to those conversations. My inquisitive mind and love of books allowed me to further explore many new words, questions, concepts, and ideas, rooted in those adult conversations. My family’s shared experiences taught me many valuable life lessons.
Walk the Talk
I learned the value of hard work and humility and discovered just how much tenacity it takes to survive the struggles and tragedies in life. But, for all that I learned from my family’s dinner table conversations, I realize fully that those conversations would have been meaningless if my family had not “walked the walk” as often as they “they talked the talk.” After all, “actions do speak louder than words” especially for young and inquisitive minds.
While my childhood experiences with adult conversations were mostly limited to listening to conversations as opposed to engaging in conversations with adults (because” children must be seen and not heard”), I believe that there is great value in both. Recently, I read some research that appears to support my conclusions.
Research
In an article published in “DIMENSIONS OF EARLY CHILDHOOD Fall 2010, Volume 38, Number 3, by Joan E. Test, Ed.D., Denise D. Cunningham, Ph. D and Amanda C. Lee, B.S., the authors discuss “the effects of adult’s language and conversations on children’s development.
This article and the supporting research found that: “In general, talking with young children encourages development in many areas: spoken language, early literacy, cognitive development, social skills, and emotional maturity. Speaking with children in increasingly complex and responsive ways does this even better.” The authors report that:
“When two researchers looked at families with young children who were learning to talk, they found that no matter what a family’s economic or social situation, the more that parents engaged in daily conversations with their children, the more rapidly the children’s vocabularies grew (Hart & Risley, 1999).”
Passing It On
Like many parents, my fond childhood memories became a natural part of how I raised my children. You want your children to experience the positive things that you experienced as a child, so I tried to expose them to complex words and ideas at a young age.
I encouraged them to have inquisitive minds. And, I encouraged the open discussion of whatever was on their minds. While my husband questioned the sensibility of using what he termed “$10 words” during discussions with our young children, he yielded to my belief that it would improve their vocabulary and self-expression.
I remember one hilarious occasion (at least to me) when he and my daughter were watching a detective/police type movie. A female character in the movie was arrested for prostitution. My daughter said to my husband “Dad what is prostitution?” He was quiet for a few moments and then I heard him say, “You know that I don’t understand those big words, go ask your mother!” (if all else fails dad, play dumb!).
The Lessons Taught
While there are many who may disagree, my childhood memories and my parenting experiences with my own children leads me to believe that there are many advantages (in addition to those listed above) to allowing children to listen to or take part in certain adult conversations.
It teaches them how to converse with others, when and how to interrupt, when and how to listen (the better you listen, the more you learn). And, most importantly, it teaches the ability to show respect for the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of others.
In conclusion, I find that listening to adult conversations when I was a child seemed so much more intriguing than it does now that I am an adult, listening to other adults. But, when I listen to the daily news or read social media I can certainly see why I sometimes feel that way!
For more on “the effects of adult’s language and conversations on children’s development” go to:
Talking With Young Children: How Teachers Encourage Learning
Please feel free to share your personal stories or thoughts with us. I look forward to hearing from you!
